it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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