remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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