Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
