I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
