I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
