i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Drake has all the answers
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
