If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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