Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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