I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
