Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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