your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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