she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
