Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
the raccoons are back...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize