yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
