you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
