Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
