There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
