He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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