you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
