I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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