i wish my penis had a tongue
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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