sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Where is the hickey?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
