she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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