I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
