Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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