Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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