Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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