2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
