You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
