we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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