I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
