I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
