Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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