I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
How does one acquire holy water?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
