So drunk its hurt
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
