Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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