I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
