tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
