also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
