If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
