what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
