And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
