So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
