So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
