I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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