Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
