Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
