at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
