3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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