You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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