i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I love having hate sex.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He did a backflip because drugs
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
