I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
