Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
