Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
