have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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