I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
