He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
