Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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