Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We are all done wearing pants today
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
