So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
