I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
