I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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