I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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