I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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