I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
