well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
