Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
