no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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