the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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