I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
