so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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