Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The Olympian is in my bed
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize