great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
